How to Network (without the ick)
A guide to making real connections
Showing up doesn’t need to feel performative, boring, or terrifying…
Recently, I walked into a networking event feeling like a pro.
I’ve been in business for 12 years now, doing this whole networking thing long before that…. this is old hat, yeah?
Do you know what I did when I entered that room!? I proceeded to cling to exactly ONE person the entire time. I talked to a few others I already knew, but for the most part, I found my snack buddy and was officially velcroed to her for the long haul.
I left thinking, “Wow, I am actually terrible at this whole meeting new people thing...”
So naturally, I did what any self-respecting podcaster would do: I found someone who’s so genuinely good at networking, it hurts (in a good way), and asked her to spill all her secrets with us!
Enter my inspiring friend, Ande Lyons
At 69 Ande Lyons is a 4x founder, a former global startup mentor, serial podcaster since 2012, founder of the New England Podcasters Group, a monthly in-person event for podcasters, and host of the popular interview-style pro-aging podcast Don’t Be Caged By Your Age, where Ande shatters age-related expectations, helps folks dissolve internalized ageist beliefs, and provides resources, inspiration and ideas so older adults can thrive after 65.
Ande joined me for this Small Business Casual conversation, where we discussed how to show up more confidently and intentionally
Before we get into the good stuff, let’s name the problems we’re all dealing with:
Networking can feel:
Transactional and sleazy (like people are using you)
Boring and surface-level (hello, painful small talk)
Anxiety-inducing (especially for the introverted and socially-awkward amongst us 🙋🏻♀️)
Outdated (business cards? schmoozing? elevator pitches? puke.)
Most traditional networking advice only makes these problems worse.
“Work the room!” they say. “Have your elevator pitch ready!” “Collect as many business cards as possible!”
Yeah, no.
See why I needed Ande?
“There are often these imaginary business goals that we think we need to check off. Would you be that way at the grocery store? Would you be that way at a local coffee shop with folks? No.” - Ande
Often the problem is that we frame networking as transactional or “outcome-oriented” vs. what it actually is: an opportunity for human connection.
Networking isn’t about schmoozing. It’s about curiosity and connection.
The Reframe
Stripped of all the outdated corporate speak, networking is making friends in business. It’s having a conversation with one person at a time, that’s it!
Ande’s approach is to focus on one person at a time, as if you’re going to have a cup of coffee with them. Scan the room, notice someone you’d like to speak with, and approach them with curiosity. Do your best to tune out all the other bodies and noise in the room. You’re not just adding contacts to your Rolodex or baiting for clients and business, you’re learning about them as a person.
Before You Even Leave the House
1. Set Your Intention (Not Just Your Goal)
Andy recommends starting with intention rather than hard goals. Instead of “I want to meet 10 people” or “I need to get 5 new clients,” ask yourself:
How do I want to FEEL when I leave this event?
Maybe you want to feel:
Like you’ve added value to someone else’s day
Energized by new ideas
Connected to your community
Proud that you showed up
This takes the pressure off performance and puts it on presence.
2. Do Your Homework (And Make It Fun)
Andy’s secret weapon? She researches who’s speaking and who’s attending ahead of time. She comments and engages on their work and learns about them ahead of time.
Her strategy:
Find 3-10 people you’d like to meet who are attending
Engage with their content online (LinkedIn, Instagram, their blog)
Comment on their posts authentically
Amplify their work by sharing it
Now, when you show up at the event, you’re a familiar face and you have several points for conversation.
3. Get Comfortable Opening the Conversation
Here’s something most people don’t talk about… it helps (a whole lot) to practice and prep conversation starters that feel right and natural to you.
Think 5 go-to opening questions that feel right coming out of YOUR mouth.
I’m not talking cringe-worthy icebreakers, here! Come up with some genuine curiosity questions that match your personality and energy.
Andy’s favorites:
“What’s making your heart sing these days?”
“What’s got you fired up or excited about lately?”
“What was the first concert you ever went to?”
My personal favorites:
“What did you listen to on your way here?”
“Okay, but for real, have you tried the snacks yet?”
“Hey, do you want to start a flash mob with me?” (Yes, I actually plan to do this someday soon.)
Brainstorm five questions/topics that feel authentic to you, and use them on repeat until you get comfortable.
Upon Arrival
1. The Pre-Game Ritual
Ande provided us with a beautiful visualization that she does before she even gets out of the car.
Her ritual:
Take a few deep breaths
Visualize the room (even if you don’t know exactly what it looks like)
Say an affirmation: “May I touch and enhance the lives of the people I meet today.”
Focus on how AMAZING you’ll feel when you leave; the joy, the energy, the human connections, the possibilities!!
This shifts your mindset from “Oh god, what if this is awkward?” to “I wonder what magical thing is going to happen.”
2. Time to Step Inside…
Okay, you’ve arrived. You’re walking through the door… your heart might be racing a little, your palms might get a little sweaty, or if you’re like Ande, you might feel like a kid walking into a candy store!
Pro arrival timing tips: Give yourself time, but not too much. Plan time to get there so you’re not stressed and rushed but don’t be the first one there if you can help it, there’s a lot of power to having the room a little warmed up and energized!
3. Find your person
Scan the room for just one person, maybe someone who’s standing alone, looks approachable, or who catches your eye. Smile, wave, walk over, and say, “Hi!”
Remember Andy’s reframe: This is a conversation with one person, not working the room.
4. Start with a Simple Question
Use one of those five questions you prepared. Keep it light and lead with curiosity. And don’t forget to stay excited about the possibilities! They really are endless.
Adapting to Different Types of Events
Not all networking events are created equal. Here are some tips for making the best out of various sizes and formats.
Large Conferences
The challenge: Overwhelming number of people, lots of competing energy, easy to get lost in the crowd.
Ande’s advice:
Do your pre-event research on speakers and attendees
Focus on quality over quantity: one meaningful conversation beats 20 business card swaps
Look for events that prioritize human connection
Small Group Events
The benefit: More intimate, easier to connect, less overwhelming.
Ande’s advice:
Show up consistently (our New England Podcasters Group meets every second Saturday at 12-2pm. Same time, same place, same great station, so people know they have a safe space to practice.
Volunteer to help run the event (it gives you a role and a reason for people to approach you)
Virtual Networking
Virtual networking can be challenging (sometimes) and requires a different approach. Personally, I prefer to do my virtual networking 1:1.
Tips for virtual groups:
Engage in the chat actively
Use breakout rooms to your advantage
Follow up more intentionally afterward
Choose events that align with your values and communication style.
The Introvert’s Guide to the Galaxy
Networking for Introverts, Extroverts, and the In-Betweens
For Extroverts (like Ande!)
You’re energized by people, and this is probably a day a the beach for you (I recommend not wearing a bikini to a networking event, though). Be curious in others and be mindful of giving space to others and what they have to say without dominating the conversation. Be sure to check in with your own energy, because even extroverts can get overstimulated.
For Introverts (you know who you are)
First off, YAY you showed up!
Celebrate the win because walking into a room full of strangers is an act of courage in and of itself.
It’s ok to…
Give yourself permission to leave after 5 minutes if you need to (showing up is 98% of the battle)
Find a wingman who can introduce you to people and help carry on conversations
Take breaks in the bathroom or a quiet corner to recharge
Remember: One meaningful conversation is enough; you don’t need to meet everyone!
For Us In-Betweeners
Many of us fall somewhere in between ambiverts, selectiverts, sometimesiverts… We can play it situationally cool and may be very impacted by the energy in the room. Some situations make us nervous, while elsewhere, we’re cool as a cucumber.
The key: Know yourself. Know what drains you and what energizes you and honor it.
Bonus Tips: Moving Beyond Small Talk
The Actual Interaction: Moving Past Small Talk
Cause small talk can be like a social root canal, amiright!? 🥴
Remember, as I shared in THIS episode and article, sometimes small talk is a necessary social lubricant. You can’t just walk up to someone and say, “So, what’s your deepest fear or earliest childhood trauma?” (trust me, I’ve tried it)
Start with easy questions: “How are you doing?” “What brings you here tonight?”
Layer in curiosity: “What’s making your heart sing these days?” “What’s got you fired up lately?”
Follow their energy: If they light up talking about their daughter’s violin concert, ask more about that
The goal isn’t to avoid small talk entirely. It’s to move it to move it to big talk with the right person.
P.S. It’s okay if a conversation doesn’t go deep. Not every interaction needs to be profound. Sometimes, “Hey, this cheese is amazing” is enough, and you can just part ways and get more (politely, of course!).
The Follow-Up: Making It Count
Okay, you survived the event. You had some good conversations. Now what?
1. Immediately After (In Your Car)
Before you drive away, jot down 5 highlights from the event while they’re fresh in your mind. This will also help you process the experience positively.
Write down:
People you connected with
Interesting conversations you had
Ideas or insights you gained
Moments that made you laugh
Anything that made showing up worth it
2. The Next Day
Take stock of your connections.
Look at the LinkedIn QR codes you scanned (you DID screenshot them, right?). Think about:
Who you’d like to stay connected with
Who might benefit from meeting someone else in your network
Who lit you up in conversation
Who might be a good fit for a collaboration or future conversation
Then send personalized, specific messages, connect on LinkedIn and social. Engage and comment!
3. Do a Recap Post Thanking People
Thank the organizers, speakers, and sponsors who made the event possible.
A quick social media shout-out or DM goes a long way. It’s the equivalent of sending a thank-you note after a dinner party.
Your Next Small Step
If you’ve been avoiding networking because it feels uncomfortable, scary, or icky, here’s your challenge: start small and practice at a low-stakes gathering.
Ande recommends checking out Eventbrite or MeetUp and finding something you’d enjoy doing:
A walking group
A cooking class
A photography meetup
A book club
A jigsaw puzzle gathering (yes, that’s a thing)
This helps you:
Practice showing up
Get more comfortable talking to strangers
Be free of pressure or judgment
Once you get comfortable in those spaces, networking will start to feel a lot less daunting.
Now get out there and have a conversation with your one person. You’ve got this!
In closing…
Trust yourself to know:
When these aren’t your people
When an event is too transactional
When the vibe feels competitive or judgmental instead of curious and collaborative
If you’re genuinely uncomfortable (not just nervous-uncomfortable, but unsafe-uncomfortable)
My Rule of Three: If you’re undecided about a group, organization, or event, give it three tries before writing it off. By the third time, you’ll know if it’s the right space for you.
Connect with Ande Lyons
Want to practice your networking skills in a safe, welcoming space?
Join us at the New England Podcasters Group every second Saturday at 12-2pm at Westford CAT. Whether you’re a seasoned podcaster or just thinking about starting one, you’re welcome with us!
Ande’s Links:
Don’t Be Caged By Your Age Podcast
New England Podcasters Group Website
Ande Lyons Instagram | NEPG Instagram | DBCBYA Instagram
